


Presented Without Commentary

by crossingwinter, StormDancer



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Epistolary, F/F, F/M, Gen, Morgana laughs at everybody, adding a plot is clearly where we went wrong..., but really why do all our epistolary fics involve suggestions for an orgy, except not really because Merther, the only response to the number of attractive people in Merlin is an orgy, we wrote this over the summer so clearly there's a lot of ice cream in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1677410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossingwinter/pseuds/crossingwinter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormDancer/pseuds/StormDancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>so, loath though i am to be “that guy”, did you pull with the fine looking dark haired broody one i saw you chatting up last night? morgana and i have a bet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Presented Without Commentary

**Author's Note:**

> We wrote this a year ago and are only posting it now. Infer from that what you will and don't judge us too harshly.

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: Working tonight?

Are you working?  Lance and I want free drinks and lots of them.  Comp-lit grades just came back.

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: Working Tonight?

You do know I’ll get fired if you and that lummox you drag around everywhere drink Gaius out of house and home, right? Not that he lives there, but it’s the thought that counts. As in, the thought of him losing the pub.

How’d you do?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(2): Working Tonight?

Yeah, yeah.  Fine.  And “That lummox I drag around”? Really?  You found him, remember?  Not my fault he follows me around with great big puppy dog eyes.

And I passed.  Let’s focus on that, shall we?

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Merlin Emrys

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(3) Working Tonight?

Merlin didn’t find me, I had to follow him home to make sure he didn’t have a concussion after walking into that wall. And if I didn’t go to the pub with Gwen, who would scare away all the creepy men? Merlin?

You did great, Gwen. Better than me by far.

See you both tonight,

Lance

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: tonight

we ride.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: You poor, poor fools

Were you really going to go without me? Who else will get the free drinks?

-

To:  Morgana Mendragon

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE: You poor, poor fools

i was just making sure that arthur could be dragged away from his poliphi paper.  i just assumed that your breasts still had the magical power to detect and be magnetically drawn to alcohol.

i would add that i was not incorrect.  you knew what was happening.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE (2): you poor, poor fools

My breasts have more magical powers than you could ever dream of.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Gaius

Subject: Your mates.

If you give them free drinks again, I will take you behind the bar and hit you in the back of the head with a two-by-four.

-

To: Gwen Smith, Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: FWD: Your mates.

See!?!?!?!?!

If you give them free drinks again, I will take you behind the bar and hit you in the back of the head with a two-by-four.

-

To: Gaius

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: Your Mates.

Mum would kill you if you did.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE: FWD: Your mates.

Well...that escalated quickly...

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: I think I found your wallet....

Were you at Kilgarrah’s last night? I’m the bartender there, and I found a wallet with your ID in it, and since there was a school ID I thought I’d email you. So, yeah. Wallet. Is it yours?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE: I think I found your wallet....

Yes, that is my wallet. Thank you so very much. Is there a place I can pick it up?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE (2):I think I found your wallet....

You can come to the pub anytime tonight, I’ll be working at the bar and would always love a break. Just ask for me if I’m not there. I would give it to whoever’s on duty but it’s Gilli’s shift tonight and while he’d give it back you might be missing a few dollars when he did. Which I won’t do.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE (3): I think I found your wallet....

I’ll pick it up tonight. Thank you again.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: FWD: I think I found your wallet...

If you do not meet this man, I will strangle you in your sleep. He is an adorable little lamb.

Also, get my damn wallet while you do.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

Cc: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: Your Wallet

This lout won’t give me your wallet.

A.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Your Wallet

Is this blonde guy your brother? He claims to be, but I don’t want to give out your wallet without permission, and you didn’t mention anyone else picking it up...

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: Your Wallet

I am her brother.  I told you.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): Your Wallet

And why should I trust you? You’re apparently enough of a git to respond to an email even though I am literally standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): Your Wallet

Well, then why are you responding to me?  

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): Your Wallet

Because that is apparently the only way to get you to talk. As you won’t respond to anything I actually say to you.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(5): Your Wallet

Yes, he’s my brother. Unfortunately.

I like you, Merlin. No one who is so good at insulting Arthur can be bad. Coffee?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(6): Your Wallet

Morgana.  Really?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): Your Wallet

I’m sorry, but I’m gay. So, coffee would just be coffee. Or, you know, tea. Whatever you like. I like coffee. Clearly.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(7): Your Wallet

Even better. I love coffee. Tomorrow, at the student union, 11?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(8): Your Wallet

Sounds good. See you then.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: (no subject)

pset?

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: (no subject)

OH MY GOD YES. It is killing my life. Why do I even bother with physics?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(2): (no subject)

well...you might be able to use your glowy golden eye thing to fix all the science problems in the universe, but i can’t.  i must physics.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(3): (no subject)

Can one verb physics?

I can’t do this morning, I have a thing. Later?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(4): (no subject)

if i must.  i was going to grab a pint.  perhaps that will make the physics flow more freely?

and i dont know if i can verb physics but i can noun your mom.  so theres your answer.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(5): (no subject)

As much as I love you supporting my work, afternoon drinking isn’t really good for you. Maybe we can do it somewhere a little less likely for you to end up getting distracted by flirting? It’s hard to work when girls keep on getting mesmerized by the shininess of your hair.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(6): (no subject)

stuu? 2?

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(7): (no subject)

My thing is there, and I’ll be done by 2. See you. If the p-set doesn’t kill me first. Or Montmouth’s class.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: HIST182 books

Do you want me to pick up a copy of the Camelot History for you while I’m at the library?

Best,

Lance

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE: HIST 182 books

That would be remarkably sweet.  My advisor is going to town on my paper and I just want to crawl into a hole and eat ice cream and weep.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(2): HIST182 books

I can get you ice cream too, if you want. Pistachio, right?

Best,

Lance

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(3): HIST 182 books

How do you exist?

No.  Do not aid and abet the ice cream cravings.  Bad Lance.

I will get through this.  Though if I am not by tonight, we will be having a pint.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(4): HIST182 books

So that’s two pints, then.

And yes, I am taking advantage of the fact that you cannot check email on your phone to sneak more ice cream to you. I’m sneaky.

I’ll be there in twenty.

Best,

Lance

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: Lovely Little Lamb

Guess who I just had coffee with.

You’re not very nice, you know, insulting him.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: Lovely Little Lamb

He should not have tried to withhold your wallet.  I just wanted to make sure he hadn’t stolen anything.  Surely that’s not something to berate me for.

A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): Lovely Little Lamb

Well, he really is lovely. And very much your type. If you hadn’t noticed. And would he have given back the wallet if he was planning it steal from it?

Idiot.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): Lovely Little Lamb

How would you know that?  Maybe he had taken all your cash and cards and said “Whoops, it was like that when I found it.  But let’s get a drink and I’ll make it up to you...with your own money.”  I was trying to figure it out and scare him off.

A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): Lovely Little Lamb

Dearest brother, if he had wanted to get drinks with me, I would not be offering him to you.

And I paid for the coffee. Over his protests. Which you would respect if you weren’t so close-minded. Talking to Uther a lot lately, are you?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): Lovely Little Lamb

What do you mean, offering him to me?  I thought the whole point of this was that you were defending him from me?

Additionally, I don’t like what you are implying about father.  A bit underhanded, I think.

A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(5): Lovely Little Lamb

You  really are thick sometimes, aren’t you?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: The Lunatic

That Lunatic ChemE major is hunting for you again.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: The Lunatic

Really? I told him I would be in the StuU. Tell him to get over here if you see him again. Then run and hide behind Lance until he goes away. And tell Lance to do the sad-puppy dog eyes thing. Gwaine likes to pretend that won’t affect him, but let’s be real, no one wants to hit Lance when he’s puppy-dog eying.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(2): The Lunatic

(Unless they want to hit on him.  Ay-oo.)

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(3): The Lunatic

Which is everyone remotely attracted to men, so, yeah, not so easy I guess. Oh god. We must never let Gwaine and Lance meet. The world would explode from sheer hotness. It would be madness I tell you, madness!

No, Gwaine reading over my shoulder, that does not mean you should go hunt him down and use him as bait. That is wrong. Don’t do that.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: tonight

we ride.

unless i cant finish this damned pset.

but might ride anyway.

advise, nitwit?

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: tonight

Finish your homework.

I’m holed up working on an essay in the blue room if you want to join me, or just generally need a taskmaster.  

A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(2): tonight

am working with a person, actually.

but would probably ditch for beer. or ladies.

definitely both.

i don’t suppose you have access to either or both in the blue room? youre probably alone with yourself and your loneliness.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): tonight

No.

Do your homework.

A.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: If you’re allowed to email people so will I

And then we’ll never get any work done. Ever. Again. And we’ll both fail out of college and I’ll have to go back to Ealdor. I’ll have to live with my mum again. You wouldn’t want that, would you?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE: If you’re allowed to email people so will I

fair point, that.  though, if i don’t have school, and all my friends do, i’d probably just bum around on your couch and hit on your mom.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): If you’re allowed to email people so will I

You are an awful human being and I don’t know why I associate with you. Ever.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(3): If you’re allowed to email people so will I

i often wonder the same thing.  now stop distracting me.  physics.

-

From: Morgana Pendragon

To: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Tonight

A couple of friends and I are going out tonight. Want in?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: Tonight

I wouldn’t be intruding? Or awkward? because I don’t think you quite understand the level of awkward I can be.

-

From: Morgana Pendragon

To: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(3): Tonight

Trust me, you will never be more awkward than my brother. And you can bring some friends, if you want.

-

To: Gwen Smith, Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: FWD: RE(3): Tonight

Are you up for it? Morgana’s cool. Scary as all hell, but cool.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE: FWD: RE(3): Tonight

I’m trapped writing.  But I could probably be dragged out for an hour or so.  If it’s really only an hour.  For which I will be relying on Lance to tell me, because you’re shite at it.

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): FWD: RE(3): Tonight

I take offense at that. I’m fine at it when I’m sober.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(2): FWD: RE(3): Tonight

Are you planning to be sober?  Bc if so, why are we going out?  I suddenly have a ton of pistachio ice cream and no way to eat it all by myself without feeling more desperate to finish my damn paper than before.

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Merlin Emrys

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(3): FWD: RE(3): Tonight

I don’t have anything to do tonight. I can be your backup, Merlin.

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): FWD: RE(3): Tonight

Well, no. Not planning to be sober. Which is why you have to come and stop me from making a fool of myself in front of new people. Including, apparently, Morgana’s prat of a brother. Because you know how I get when I am drunk. And he is very, very pretty. And a total git.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(5): FWD: RE(3): Tonight

Hmmm.  I am suddenly very nervous about this paper.  Lance, perhaps we can work together and leave Merlin to flirt alone with the hot git?

-

To: Gwen Smtih

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): FWD: RE(3): Tonight

NOOOO Lance don’t abandon me to my bad judgement! I need you! Ignore the cute girl asking you to come over and save me from myself!  
-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(7): FWD: RE(3): Tonight

Sorry, Gwen. I told Merlin I would go.

And, really, he needs me more than you right now.

-

To: Lance duLac

Cc: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(8): FWD: RE(3): Tonight

Hah. He loves me more than you.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(9): FWD: RE(3): Tonight

You wish.  

I’ll meet you both at 10?  
-

From: Merlin Emrys

To: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): Tonight

I’ll be there at around ten with a few friends. Is that alright? We can change the time if you need.

-

From: Morgana Pendragon

To: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(5): Tonight

That works for me. And so it will for everyone else.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: You’d best be on your way

At the moment, it is just me and your charming bar friend.  Where the fuck are you?  If this is a setup, I swear you will regret it.

A.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: HELLLLLLLLP

It’s just me and Arthur here and it’s really awkward. Why are you not on time? You’re always on time. I need you to be on time. Right now. Because he’s on his phone and I’m on my phone and he won’t respond to anything I say and pretty soon I’m going to jump him just to max out the awkward points. Or hex his phone. Which do you think would be worse?

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE: You’d best be on your way

Coming, darling. Can’t you at least make polite conversation? Would that absolutely kill you? He is a very nice boy, regardless of any set ups I may or may not have in mind.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE: HELLLLLLLLP

Don’t hex his phone. He’s Uther Pendragon’s son, and it wouldn’t look good for you to defend yourself against him.

We’ll be there soon. Gwen had a panic attack and had to finish her paper. She apologizes.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): HELLLLLLLLP

How is Gwaine here and you aren’t? Why is Gwaine here, anyway?

And I didn’t hex his phone. I only maybe had fun making sure his drink was never exactly where he put it. He didn’t notice. You won’t have to beat anyone up for me.

Yet.

Hurry up!

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): You’d best be on your way

How is it that Gwaine is here and you are not?  When does that ever happen?

Additionally, how is it that Gwaine knows him?  I don’t trust it.

A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): You’d best be on your way

I’ll be there presently.

And I’m not telling you. Ask him if it bothers you so much.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: (no subject)

what are we emailing about?

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: (no subject)

I’m savoring the awkward.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(2): (no subject)

ahh yes.  i was wondering about that.  shall we all do it together?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(3): (no subject)

not like that. no homo.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): (no subject)

You wish. Like you wouldn’t jump me if I would let you.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): (no subject)

Gwaine, how many times have I told you--my sexuality is not to be the butt of your jokes.

A.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(5): (no subject)

heh. butt.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: (no subject)

so. gwen. single?

-

From: Merlin Emrys

To: gwaine barber

Subject: RE: (no subject)

Yes. But no. Not for you. She’s a nice girl. Stop ogling, it’s not polite and it’s really obvious.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(2): (no subject)

but nice girls are my favorite!

-

From: Merlin Emrys

To: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(3): (no subject)

Now I remember why I never introduced you before.

-

To: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: re: Our conversation last night

Hello,

So, I just wanted to send along an interesting article (attached) that my father wrote several years ago when running for office.  I think it largely sums up what I was trying to say last night when the beer was making me incoherent.

In any case, would be happy to talk further about it (as expressed last night).

A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE: re: Our conversation last night

Arthur,

Thanks for the article, it was an interesting read. But magic is controllable--I have friends with magic who are able to control it and aren’t lazy, even if they’re really powerful. This is the same sort of argument people probably used against electricity. Not to impugn your father in any way, but he’s looking at the issue extremely simplistically.

-Lance

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(2): re: Our conversation last night

Hi Arthur,

I agree--very interesting article.  I had never thought about it quite that way and will confess to only having really heard about your father’s opinions, not having encountered them first hand.

I would add simply that what I find to be most worthy of highlighting--and one that gets neglected a lot in modern discourse--is the idea that it is magic--not the magic user--that is the problem.  Magic renders the society weaker, or flawed, or however you’d like to phrase it, but that the magicians are not necessarily the ones to be vilified.  

I raise this as a point, since it is the one that I so often hear (and the reason I think that Lance and I pounced last night, since we are close friends with some magicians): that people who hate magic hate those who practice it, simply because they practice it.  But I don’t get the impression that that is what your father--and thus you--are arguing.  You’re basically saying that magic shouldn’t be in society as much as possible, since it’s risky/flighty/whatever.  But that a magic user is born the way they are born and thus we can’t demonize them, so much as encourage them to live like the rest of us plebs.

In sum, this is cool.

Gwen

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): re: Our conversation last night

Hi Gwen, Hi Lance,

I’ll admit to never having thought about it that way before.  I had never read my father’s article with that lens--or even heard someone’s point that debated the actual argument and not the nature of the morals behind it.

Shall keep thinking.

A.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(4): re: Our conversation last night

He seems nice.  I really don’t know what Merlin was all in a fuss about.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance du Lac

Subject: RE(5): re: Our conversation last night

He is surprisingly open minded. I’m worried about Merlin hanging around with him, though. You know how careless he can be, and he could get hurt.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(6): re: Our conversation last night

I don’t think Arthur would hurt him.  I mean, he doesn’t seem to be a basher or anything--just largely uncomfortable with the concept of magic.  I think he seems to like us, and wouldn’t do anything to alienate us.  Also, I don’t know he could even hurt  Merlin.  Like physically.  Could he even get within ten feet of him?  I don’t think so.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance du Lac

Subject: RE(7): re: Our conversation last night

Which just proves my point. Bigots aren’t usually reasonable about their magic-ism, and if Merlin had to defend himself with magic against Uther Pendragon’s son... it could be cast as a hate crime, or something.  

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(8): re: Our conversation last night

Bigots--yes.  Let’s not forget that Arthur is a politician’s son.  He’s not just your average bigot.  He probably has to worry about every little thing getting into the papers and whatnot.

Oh, and his sister and friend seem to be very pro-Merlin.  I don’t even know how they ended up swapping clothes without us noticing.  Merlin really looked lovely in that dress.  And surprisingly busty.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance du Lac

Subject: RE(9): re: Our conversation last night

Those were images I did not need in my head. It must have been magic, right?

And I don’t know about Gwaine. Didn’t he seem a little shady to you?

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(10): re: Our conversation last night

Seemed like a perfectly nice chap.  An interesting drunk.  And a bit off the wall.  But perfectly nice.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance du Lac

Subject: RE(11): re: Our conversation last night

He was hitting on you all night. Not very subtly, either. And not very respectfully, I thought.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(12): re: Our conversation last night

Well, yes.  I suppose that is true.  But that doesn’t really mean anything, does it?  I mean...drunk men hitting on people is generally shady...and not well thought out.  You can’t possibly divine his intentions from drunk flirtations.

And besides, there’s not much to worry about.  I wouldn’t go out with him.  Gwen and Gwaine?  Come on now.  The world would explode from all the gw.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance du Lac

Subject: RE(13): re: Our conversation last night

Oh. Right. We couldn’t have that.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: (no subject)

so, loath though i am to be “that guy”, did you pull with the fine looking dark haired broody one i saw you chatting up last night? morgana and i have a bet.

-

To: gwaine barbe

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE: (no subject)

Come now, Gwaine. Don’t be crass.

There is no way Arthur could have pulled him.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

Cc: gwaine barber

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): (no subject)

I will have you know that I am perfectly capable of pulling whoever I damn well please.

In this case, no--did not pull.  Did not wish to.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(3): (no subject)

really? because you looked pretty up with each other, from what i could tell.  quite a good bit of sexual attraction.  though admittedly, i don’t know how that works between dudes.  is it the same way as for the rest of us?

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): (no subject)

IT WORKS EXACTLY THE SAME WAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.  AND THERE WAS NONE OF THAT SEXUAL ATTRACTION.  NONE.  ZILCH.  ZERO.  NONE.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(5): (no subject)

that’s surprising.  i always figured you liked the swarthy type.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(6): (no subject)

Really? Would you call him swarthy?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(7): (no subject)

yes.  definitely.  as someone who self-identifies as swarthy, i know swarthy men when i see them.  he was definitely swarthy.  and sexy.  see aforementioned reason for swarthiness.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(8): (no subject)

Please stop including me in these emails.

Best,

Arthur Pendragon

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(9): (no subject)

You mean you have no opinion on the swarthiness or lack thereof of your potential pull, brother dearest? I would think you have quite a stake in the argument, especially if you want to support your frankly quite shaky ‘no sexual attraction’ assertion.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(10): (no subject)

arthur.

arthur.

arthur.

come on now.

you can’t ignore me forever.

you have to admit that lance is swarthy.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(11): (no subject)

Lance?

Definitely swarthy.  Wouldn’t have pulled though.  Did you not notice the whole Gwen thing?  Because I think father noticed the whole Gwen thing and he doesn’t even know who either of them is.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(12): (no subject)

what do you mean ‘the whole gwen thing’?

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(12): (no subject)

And who were you talking about, Arthur? Was there another possible pull at the table?  You did spend all night talking to Lance, after all.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Merlin Emrys, Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: Magical registration legislation

Did you see the news about the new registration law that’s in the senate? I’d be interested to hear both of your’s opinions.

-

To: Lance duLac

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: Magical registration legislation

Fuckers. All of them. Who the bloody hell do they think they are, making us register like fucking animals?

-

To: Merlin Emrys,

Cc: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): Magical registration legislation

I don’t really think that’s the spirit behind the law.  If you read the article, it seems that they’re pushing more for the control of magic as a resource and making magic users register the same way you’d make a gun-user register his weapons.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(3): Magical registration legislation

You register the gun, not the user. Next step you start keeping tabs on all the magic users. Then, oh look, what do you know, they have to be kept together for everyone’s safety. Then they’re too dangerous to exist at all. It’s happened before, just look at bloody Salem.

I just know I sure as hell am not registering for anything.

-

To: Merlin Emrys,

Cc: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): Magical registration legislation

I can’t see this turning into Salem.  It would not fly with international law, for the one thing, not to mention all the human rights shit that it would throw them in.  I reiterate the point that, if you read the article, you see that the goal is to, indeed, register the magic.  It just so happens that, unlike a gun, the magic is undividedly attached to a person.  Or, you know, Dragon.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): Magical registration legislation

It never looks like Salem to Uther Pendragon’s son. And then the last dragon died.

Magic isn’t for the government to regulate. It’s deeper than that. It’s more than that, it’s, I don’t know, it’s not just a weapon it’s like, like, you don’t regulate where the rain falls, do you? It’s like that.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(5): Magical registration legislation

I think we need to all take a step back. You aren’t necessarily arguing against each other, really.

-

To: Lance duLac

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): Magical registration legislation

And by “we” he means us, of course.

Even if it means I’m grouped in with a fascist.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(7): Magical registration legislation

Imagine my horror at being lumped in with a fire-breathing socialist.

I concede your point, Lance.  We’ll keep it civil.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(8): Magical registration legislation

You might. I make no such promises. Prat.

And yes, that was to both of you.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(9): Magical registration legislation

I wonder about the practicality of it.  Through what department are they planning on hosting this?  It’ll probably just be one giant logistical nightmare.  It pains me to even think about it.  We’ll be lucky if it isn’t the stupidest thing in the world...even if they do manage to enact it, I mean.  I do think it’s rather stupid, though I see why it’s been proposed.  DON’T BLAME MY INCOHERENCE ON ME.  I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN THIRTY SIX HOURS.  WHY, LITERARY THEORY?  WHYYYY?

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Merlin Emrys, Arthur Pendragon

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(10): Magical registration legislation

Why haven’t you slept? Do you need me to come over to help with anything?

-

To: Lance duLac

Cc: Gwen Smith, Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(11): Magical registration legislation

She always needs you to come, Lance, come on.

And the bureaucratic nightmare is only the beginning. What are they going to do, hunt us down and taze us until we submit? Do annual tests for kids? What about kids whose magic manifests earlier than usual? Or later? What happens then?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(12): Magical registration legislation

My understanding is that they were planning on having it be administered through schools--as in teachers usually keep an eye on students for developing magic anyway.  This way, there’d be a local mechanism for them to figure things out?  I don’t really know.  It’s all unclear.

And as for what will happen--I don’t think it will be a matter of hunting people down.  That seems a little over the top, even for the idiots in Parliament.  There’ll probably just be fines and stuff.  

And good lord, if you’re blowing a gasket over it, I can’t wait to see what Nimueh’ll do.....

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(13): Magical registration legislation

Don’t remind me. If I get one more phone call--or telepathic message, or whatever--I don’t care if it’s playing right into their hands I will find them and destroy them. Honestly. Is a little sleep too much to ask?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(14): Magical registration legislation.

IS A LITTLE SLEEP TOO MUCH TO ASK?  HAHAHA.  MY EYES WON’T FOCUS.  WHEEEEEEEEEE.

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Merlin Emrys

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(15): Magical registration legislation

Okay, I’m coming over with tea and nyquil. Be there soon.

-

To: Lance duLac

Cc: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(16): Magical registration legislation

Wow, I see how it is, not even bothering to invite me to tea. Love you both too. :p I’ll just hide out over here and hope I don’t end up tagged for a cell.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: your breasts

are very distracting.  please put them away.  as if physics weren’t hard enough.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: My breasts

If you can’t concentrate, that’s your own problem. I can’t help having distracting tits.

-

To: Gwen Smith, Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: No, seriously, I will raze their camp to the ground and I don’t care how many watchlists I’m on now.

That is two calls so far this week and it’s only bloody Tuesday. Will she never take no for an answer? How hard is it to accept that no, sorry, I’m not a terrorist and I have no plans to be one?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE: No, seriously, I will raze their camp to the ground and I don’t care how many watchlists I’m on now.

I have leftover tea from the other night.  Also, am refusing to do work today.  Come over and rant at me.  :-)

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): No, seriously, I will raze their camp to the ground and I don’t care how many watchlists I’m on now.

Probably best if I don’t, right now. Things are levitating. It’s a problem. And I don’t want any of her goons to notice where I’m going, just in case.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(3): No, seriously, I will raze their camp to the ground and I don’t care how many watchlists I’m on now.

You know what would be useful right about now?  A magical registration.

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): No, seriously, I will raze their camp to the ground and I don’t care how many watchlists I’m on now.

Oh, like she wouldn’t be able to figure out how to disable a tracker in an instant. They’re not very good with things like internet or, you know, emailing possible recruits instead of bloody calling them, but but it’s pretty easy to crush a tracker. Or burn it. Or disintegrate it. Or freeze it. Or--oh hell, there goes the alarm clock, I’ll brb. Fucking shit. At least it’s not the microwave this time.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(5): No, seriously, I will raze their camp to the ground and I don’t care how many watchlists I’m on now.

Are you okay, Merlin? I can go get Gaius...

And one would hope they would find a way to make the trackers more sturdy than that.

-

To: Lance duLac

Cc: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): No, seriously, I will raze their camp to the ground and I don’t care how many watchlists I’m on now.

Yeah, I’m fine, don’t bother Gaius he’ll just call mum and then they’ll both worry. Just a little wound up.

Take me up and set me down. Magic creates and magic destroys. It can do either pretty damn well. Clearly.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: tonight.

we ride.

also, is whatshisface in town? morgana’s bloke?

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: tonight.

No, we do not ride.  Or at least, I do not.  I’m very much behind on my Machiavelli paper.

Additionally, I think that Morgana will be riding, but without you, and with whatshisface who is indeed in town.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): tonight.

Oh, I’ll be riding something tonight.  

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: gwaine barber

Subject: tonight.

we ride.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: tonight.

Can’t sorry, still might blow stuff up and that never makes for fun times. Except when it does, but that only works sometimes and when the right things blow up which I can’t guarantee. And I have shit to do, protests to organize, all that fun stuff.

You should all come tomorrow, though. Front of city hall, round noon. Bring signs.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(2): tonight.

I’m game.  Perhaps we can do some drunken sign painting afterwards?

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Lance duLac

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(3): tonight.

that sounds positively delightful.  but only if we’re so shitfaced we can’t remember how to spell ‘magic’ and end up almost missing the protest because we are so hungover the concept of standing up has somehow left our brains.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(3): tonight.

Sounds like you might need a DD. Or someone to make sure your signs are for the right issue. Where should we meet?

-

To: Lance duLac

Cc: Gwen Smith

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(4): tonight.

meet?

ah yes. perhaps at the place that merlin works.  the one with the old hippie owner.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(5): tonight.

Gaius, right. You know you can’t get free drinks if Merlin’s not there, right?

We’ll be there, round 10ish.

-

To: Lance duLac

Cc: gwaine barber

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(6): tonight.

I’ll bring the paint and poster boards!

-

To: undisclosed recipients

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Come one, come all!

Noon, in front of city hall. Let’s make sure they know that we won’t sit back quietly while they tag us! Bring signs, bring food. Don’t bring booze, that might get us arrested. Or if you do, make sure it stays hidden.

See everyone there!

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: FWD: Come one, come all!

You going to stop by?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: FWD: Come one, come all!

Wasn’t planning to.

You?

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: Auto-reply: RE: FWD: Come one, come all!

If you are receiving this message, it means I will be unavailable for the weekend due to lots of sex. If it’s urgent, call. If you call and it’s not urgent, my vengeance will be swift.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: Auto-reply: RE: FWD: Come one, come all!

THAT WAS A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN I NEEDED TO KNOW, MORGANA.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: Auto-Reply: RE: Auto-reply: RE: FWD: Come one, come all!

If you are receiving this message, it means I will be unavailable for the weekend due to lots of sex. If it’s urgent, call. If you call and it’s not urgent, my vengeance will be swift.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: Auto-Reply: RE: Auto-reply: RE: FWD: Come one, come all!

Well, I don’t know what I was expecting.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: Auto-Reply: RE: Auto-Reply: RE: Auto-reply: RE: FWD: Come one, come all!

If you are receiving this message, it means I will be unavailable for the weekend due to lots of sex. If it’s urgent, call. If you call and it’s not urgent, my vengeance will be swift.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Protest Interview

I heard your interview. It was good, I guess. I mean, it was definitely good, better than if they had interviewed your father or something, but I was surprised you were there at all, I was kind of sent the email as a joke because you don’t exactly believe in what we were doing, but what you said, it was. fair. Which is pretty cool of you. So, yeah. Thanks for not yelling at us like that Aredian guy, I guess?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: Protest Interview

See?  Sometimes I do have thoughts in my head.  And even if you do think they’re largely fascist, they do come from a desire that the world be a good and healthy place.

I was impressed by the contained nature of the protest.  As in, it didn’t explode or combust or do things that you think magic will do.  It just chanted a lot.

Also, I don’t know if you saw Gwaine...he looked hung-over as all fuck.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): Protest Interview

I never denied you had thoughts, just that they were fascist ones. And fascist thoughts can be fair ones, too, I might point out. :p

Thanks for your praise about the protest. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but magic isn’t just for blowing shit up. That might be what Nimueh and her crowd use it for, but we aren’t all like them. Though try to tell them that. But I’m ever so glad our protest met with your approval. I would have been absolutely devastated otherwise.

DId you see his sign? My poor eyes!

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): Protest Interview

I mean, was the glitter really necessary?  Was he trying to make it look magical?

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): Protest Interview

I think he said something about fairies? Clearly he’s never met the Sidhe, if he thinks that because they are terrifying as all hell and have nothing to do with glitter or anything pretty or not trying to kill you, or maybe he was talking about a different kind of fairies?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(5): Protest Interview

You know, I wouldn’t put it past him.  At all.  Though, to be fair, it wasn’t his handwriting, so I don’t know what was going on there...

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): Protest Interview

Yeah, it was Lance’s. I really don’t want to know.

Also, I want to point out the extent of civil conversation we’ve managed. You haven’t even been a prat for the last few emails!

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(7): Protest Interview

Really?  You had to go and say that, Merlin?  Because I thought we were doing fine until you started being an idiot.

Well, kind of.

You know, pratishness is usually provoked on my part.  It’s not my fault my sister and my idiot friends do their utmost to bring it out in me.

Not to mention you, of course.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(8): Protest Interview

Let it never be said that I can’t ruin a conversation. Trust me, my mate Will made me a medal, most conversations made awkward. I framed it.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(9): Protest Interview

That’s quite impressive, actually.  Though my father might compete with you for it.  He does like bringing up everything uncomfortable.  As does Morgana--usually for her own twisted pleasure.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(10): Protest Interview

Yeah, see, but Morgana’s evil and sadistic. I’m just awkward. (This is me not talking about your dad, because for once we are being civil and that would ruin it. So look at me, getting non-awkward points!)

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(11): Protest Interview

Fair enough.

Though, honestly, I was wondering--would we be able to do this in person.  I mean, typing up emails on our blackberries or whatever hippie smartphone you have is one thing, but sustained conversation that doesn’t turn to griping?  that would be the day.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(12): Protest Interview

Why, Arthur Pendragon, are you actually asking me to talk to you in person? Because I make no promises about the level of yelling that might happen. Or sarcasm, actually, because I don’t really yell, because when I yell sometimes things explode or start floating and that’s never a good thing because then I need to replace my microwave. Anyway. Yeah.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(13): Protest Interview

Well, when you put it that way...

That is to say, yes.  And sarcasm I can handle.  I grew up with Morgana, remember?

I think her sarcasm would defeat yours in a one-hit KO.  

Though it might prove an interesting battle, if it didn’t.

Why am I still typing this?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: I hope to god you’ve turned off that Sex auto-reply

Might be making friends with your lamb.  Unless, of course, he’s a moron.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: Auto-reply: I hope to god you’ve turned off that Sex auto-reply

I am currently on, around, or in some way with Leon’s cock. So fuck off until Monday.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: Auto-reply: I hope to god you’ve turned off that Sex auto-reply

DEAR GOD WHY?  WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO DESERVE THIS?

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: Auto-reply: RE: Auto-reply: I hope to god you’ve turned off that Sex auto-reply

I am currently on, around, or in some way with Leon’s cock. So fuck off until Monday.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: Auto-reply: RE: Auto-reply: I hope to god you’ve turned off that Sex auto-reply

I am an idiot.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: Really, Gwaine?

Pendragoon?  How do I change it back?

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE: Really, Gwaine?

mwahahaha.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: RE(2): Really, Gwaine?

Tell me, Gwaine.

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(3): Really, Gwaine?

oh i am so good at what i do.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: Our Mutual Friend

Hello,

It seems as though Gwaine thought it would be a good idea to change how my email displays in others’ inboxes.  

1) Do you by any chance know how to change it back?

2) Would you like to help me exact my revenge?

Best,

-A

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: Our Mutual Friend

1) Yeah, yeah, it’s not hard, but you have to be logged in, he must have stolen your computer sometime you should really put a passcode on it, he does this all the time, don’t you ever study with him? Bring the computer to the bar sometime when i’m working and I’ll fix it. Probably. Or at least make it better, because Pendragoon, come on, there are better jokes.

2) If there is one thing a devious mind and magic should be used for, it is pranks. Lead on, mon capitan. I am in for any and all pranking.

Also, hahahahahaha. I knew I chose Gwaine as a study partner for a reason.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: RE(2): Our Mutual Friend

At the moment, I want to make him squirm.  A lot.  But I can’t think of a way to do this that doesn’t involve Morgana’s breasts--and that’s far more than I’m willing to commit to making Gwaine uncomfortable.

The alternative in my mind is switching the insoles of his shoes so that the left is in the right shoe and thus plagues him all day.  This seems silly and juvenile, even to me though.

Any thoughts?

And if you’re working tonight, I’d be happy to stop by.  I honestly can’t send any emails like this.  It’s rather ridiculous.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(3): Our Mutual Friend

I giggle every time I see it, it’s great, maybe I should just make you keep it. You clearly can’t come up with sneaky pranks, so I would have nothing to worry about.

I, on the other hand, have years of prank war experience. Leave this to me.

See you tonight!

-

TO: Arthur Pendragoon

FROM: GWAINE BARBER

SUBJECT: WHAT DID YOU DO?

I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT, BUT GODDAMN IT THIS MEANS WAR.  ALSO, WHAT’S THE PASSCODE TO YOUR COMPUTER?

-

To: GWAINE BARBER

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: WHAT DID YOU DO?

What, me?

Also, I seem to recall the point of having a passcode on ones’ computer being that one does not share it with one’s infinitely more immature friends that they might cavort on amongst your private files.

Best,

-A.

-

TO: Arthur Pendragon

FROM: GWAINE BARBER

SUBJECT: RE(2): WHAT DID YOU DO?

THAT’S NOT FAIR.  I LET YOU INTO MY COMPUTER.

THOUGH I MIGHT STOP THAT, IF YOU DON’T LET ME STOP BEING IN CAPSLOCK SOON.

AM PLOTTING FURTHER REVENGE.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: FWD: RE(2): WHAT DID YOU DO?

Well played, good sir.

Well played.

Also, should we be worried?

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: FWD: RE(2): WHAT DID YOU DO?

Why thank you, my comrade in arms.

And of course we should be worried, that is the whole point of prank wars, they escalate until someone almost dies. That’s why they’re fun. Although he doesn’t know I was involved so it’s really only you that should be worried. I’ll just sit here and look innocent and serve beer. It’s what I do best.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): FWD: RE(2): WHAT DID YOU DO?

I don’t know how I feel about this.  That seems like a little bit more than I can manage on a good day.  And honestly, it’s not fair that I’m in it alone.  You’re the one that came up with and implemented the bloody capslock prank anyway.

Surely we can split the retribution?

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(3): FWD: RE(2): WHAT DID YOU DO?

You started it, or at least, you decided to respond. You should have been ready for the war, you know Gwaine.

And you’re the one who wanted to prank. I’m just the brains. The consultant. The prank consultant. You should be lucky I’m not charging you ridiculous amounts for a job that doesn’t really mean anything at all. You’re still the owner, you get blamed. Hah.

Also, like hell am I telling Gwaine I did it.

-

TO: Arthur Pendragon

FROM: GWAINE BARBER

SUBJECT: PICTURES

I HAVE PICTURES OF YOUR SISTER’S BREASTS AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM. (AND BEFORE YOU ASK, THEY WERE CONSENSUAL PICTURES.)

CHANGE MY COMPUTER BACK NOW.  OR YOU’LL REGRET IT.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: FWD: PICTURES

Are these consensual?  I don’t trust him at the moment.

-A.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): FWD: RE(2): WHAT DID YOU DO?

You know, I’m starting to wonder why I asked for your help at all.

You’re clearly the most unhelpful person I’ve ever met.

-A.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: RE(5): FWD: RE(2): WHAT DID YOU DO?

REALLY?  For god’s sake!  

I thought we were friends!  Or at least trying to be...

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): FWD: RE(2): WHAT DID YOU DO?

Oh, I only prank my friends. Ask me about the Great Waterfall Debacle of ‘99. Or the Tomato Incident of ‘04. Or ask Lance about living with me, really, I’m a menace, anyone will tell you that. If I don’t like you then what’s the fun in pranking you?

Pendragoon. Heh. Maybe it is a good joke.

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE: FWD: PICTURES

Huh, didn’t know he still had those. Don’t my tits look great in them?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: RE(2): FWD: PICTURES

I don’t want to know.  I just wanted to know if I needed to get all defensive and big-brotherly.

Speaking of which, I presume Leon treated you well.

-A.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: RE(7): FWD: RE(2): WHAT DID YOU DO?

I have decided to stop responding to this ridiculous email chain.  This will also happen with Gwaine’s emails.  

Best,

Arthur...Pendragoon?

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): FWD: PICTURES

Arthur, you know I never need you to get protective, you do that for the fun of it.

And Leon treated me very well indeed, thank you very much. Do you want more detail than that? I can give you numbers, if you want. They’re very high numbers.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: RE(4): FWD: PICTURES

No.

No numbers.  Your auto-response was traumatizing enough.

Best,

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(8): FWD: RE(2): WHAT DID YOU DO?

But aren’t we friends? Friends reply to friends’ emails, Arthur, it’s a thing. And trust me, if you start ignoring me I just get more annoying.

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Poke

(no content)

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Poke

(no content)

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Poke

(no content)

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Poke

(no content)

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: Merlin...

Why is he maniacally cackling and poking his computer screen?

….

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: RE: Poke

(no content)

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE: Merlin...

I don’t ask when he starts cackling. It’s a short step from cackling to Nimueh. Or just insanity.

At least nothing’s broken yet.

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Poke

(no content)

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(2): Merlin...

See, you say that now, but in a day when he’s moaning on the couch and asking us why we didn’t stop him...

Also, what are the chances that you’ve seen my green sweatshirt?  I think that I left it in your room when we were studying the other night...

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(3): Merlin...

Then we tell him that nothing will be worse than the Shoehorn Affair. Because nothing will ever be worse than the Shoehorn Affair. My couch has never been the same.

I have your sweatshirt; I found it and threw it in with my laundry. Sorry, should have told you.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: RE: Poke

(no content)

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: Rivers, specifically those in Egypt

You’re in a poke war with him, Arthur. And you say you aren’t attracted to him?

-

To: Arthur Pendragoon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Poke

(no content)

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: Enough of These Shenanigans

Truce?

-

To: GWAINE BARBER

Bcc: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragoon

Subject: Enough of These Shenanigans

Truce?

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Poke

Okay, now I’m done.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Your father has hitmen, right?

Because really this Nimueh thing has gotten out of hand. Does filing a restraining order count if she’s also a known terrorist?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: Your father has hitmen, right?

What is the context of this?  I mean, I agree about all of this, but aren’t you usually one for restraint when it comes to the annihilation of magical beings?

Just a tad confused.

-A.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: Merlin

He’s getting goofy grins and doesn’t realize it.

Just thought you should be aware.

Also, is there any chance at all that you’re free tonight to see the new Star Epic movie?  No one wants to go with me because they think it’s going to be a waste of money...

Gwen

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): Your father has hitmen, right?

I am all for restraint when it comes to the annihilation of magical beings who WON’T STOP BLOODY CALLING ME. Or emailing. Or even coming up to me on the streets, but that only happened once, and she got the message she wasn’t wanted pretty quickly with the help of the dumpster. But is there any chance for the restraining order? If only because it would make me feel better?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): Your father has hitmen, right?

Not that I’m not delighted to hear that you don’t want to throw your lot in with a known terrorist organization, but why don’t you want to throw your lot in with her?  Isn’t her philosophy up your alley.

Also, believe me when I say my father’s hitmen have been working on it for a long time now.  Indeed, if you have leads for them, please do share them.

-A.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE: Merlin

Arthur?

And of course I’ll go. I’ve been waiting to find someone else as obsessed with it as me who will accompany me. 9 good?

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(2): Merlin

How about we go to the 11 showing and we get ice cream first?  I have to finish my anthropology paper and I’ll be in sore need of ice cream then....

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): Your father has hitmen, right?

I don’t do violence, and I don’t think sorcerers are inherently better than anyone else. And I don’t think that annoying people at home is a good way of recruiting. Especially once they say no a couple thousand times.

And I don’t have leads. I have annoyances that go nowhere because she isn’t actually stupid. The dumpster thing was a one time deal, and that was before I came to the city anyway. I haven’t actually seen her in years. I’m not actually a traitor or a terrorist, thank you very much.

But really, she needs to get the fucking picture. Even your father has stopped putting very obvious tails on me.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(5): Your father has hitmen, right?

Why did my father have tails on you?

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): Your father has hitmen, right?

He wanted to make sure I wasn’t actually joining Nimueh. He might not trust me or like me or anything but at least he realizes I am not a bloody terrorist and he doesn’t need to worry about the morale problems that would cause.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(7): Your father has hitmen, right?

If he does things like that again, let me know and I’ll talk to him.  He goes a bit overboard sometimes.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(8): Your father has hitmen, right?

Eh, I figured out how to lose them when I was fifteen. The price of prophecy, and all that. It’s actually not a bad thing for people to see that magic doesn’t have to be all Nimueh-like.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(3): Merlin

Don’t you have early class? Will 11 keep you up too late? We can go Friday if you’d rather. I can’t do Thursday, sorry. Maybe Gwaine can, he mentioned something about liking Star Epic.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(4): Merlin

Friday Night?  Are you asking me on a date, Lance?

Also, as much as I like Gwaine, I need someone who actually understands my strange obsession with Commander Tutti.  Or else bad things will happen in the theater.  Popcorn will be thrown.  Drinks will be spilled.  Unseemly and distracting noises will be made.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(5): Merlin

I would never dare get between you and Commander Tutti, I learned my lesson last time. And none of your noises are unseemly or distracting.

Friday is just the soonest I can go, I mean. Unless you want to go tonight. Or Saturday, if you already have a date, that works too. Whatever you want.

-

To: Uther Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: Merlin Emrys?

Dear Father,

What’s this about a prophecy?  

-Arthur

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Uther Pendragon

Subject: RE: Merlin Emrys?

Arthur,

Have you not heard about the Emrys prophecy? I’m sure I’ve mentioned it. It’s some claptrap about the one fated to bring magic back to the kingdom, and there is something about him being the essence of magic or the most powerful sorcerer to ever have lived. Pure rot, obviously, but some people believe it, and the boy is powerful.

How are classes going? Have you spoken to your sister lately?

Sincerely,

Uther Pendragon

-

To: Uther Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): Merlin Emrys?

Ah.

I understand now.

Interesting.

I see Morgana quite regularly.  She’s well.  Leon was in town recently, so that made her quite happy.

Should I nudge her to write you?

-Arthur

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Uther Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): Merlin Emrys?

That would be much appreciated. We should have a family dinner as well, when I’m next in town.

Sincerely,

Uther Pendragon

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: Lovely Little Lamb...

Is apparently the most powerful sorcerer in history.  Did you know this?

Also, write dad.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE: Lovely Little Lamb...

He is? How delightful! I never put together the names. It seems he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Does the danger excite you?

And I will write him when I have something worth writing him about. He can write me if he wants to speak to me.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): Lovely Little Lamb...

Oh, stop it.  It’s not polite to say things like that, Morgana.

Also, write to him.  You can be the bigger person sometimes, you know?

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): Lovely Little Lamb...

That isn’t a denial.

More seriously, you two were just starting to get along. You aren’t going to do anything irrevocably stupid and cut him off or something, are you? You already knew he had magic. Just because he’s powerful shouldn’t change anything.

I don’t have anything to say to him, is all. It’s not being a bigger or a smaller person.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): Lovely Little Lamb...

I wasn’t planning on it, no.  I imagine it’s like when people find out I’m Arthur Pendragon and them trying to act cool when leading up to doing things with me.  I know what not to do.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(5): Lovely Little Lamb...

Sometimes you are a decent human being, Arthur.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Morgana Pendragon, Merlin Emrys, Lance duLac, Gwen Smith

From: gwaine barber

Subject: tonight.

we ride.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, Morgana Pendragon, Merlin Emrys, Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE: tonight.

Lance and I are seeing Star Epic, so not this night, I’m afraid.  But enjoy yourselves and drink responsibly, and weep that you aren’t getting to see Madison Chevy playing Commander Tutti.

-

To: Gwen Smith

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, Morgana Pendragon, Merlin Emrys, Lance duLac

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(2): tonight.

why would you see that? it looks awful.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): tonight.

gwaine, shut up. They are going to the movies together on a friday night. If any of you do anything to stop them from doing this date-like activity and maybe actually acting on the sexual tension that has been KILLING me for the last two years, I will hex your ears to fall off. Or change you into a rat. Or sew your lips together, yes Gwaine, I’m looking at you, you wouldn’t be able to drink or talk and then where would you be?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(4): tonight.

all i’m saying is that if they want to be having fun on a friday night there are many other ways they can be doing this.  and i’m not saying that those ways require our company.  indeed, i think that they’d probably be uncomfortable with our presence.  i mean, i’d be down...but lance seems a bit too...up tight for more than just the two of them?  and arthur’s too stodgy...

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Merlin Emrys, Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(5): tonight.

You are being ridiculous, even for you.

Back to the task at hand: ten, the Penned Dragon?

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Merlin Emrys, gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(6): tonight.

Oh, I’m sure Lance could be...persuaded.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(7): tonight.

I would have an orgy with you, Gwaine, don’t worry. And I bet Gwen could be convinced.  Though I’m not sure Lance could be persuaded. He’s a bit vanilla. And Arthur is definitely too vanilla.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(8): tonight.

Oh, yes, I was automatically discounting Arthur, we wouldn’t want any incest would we?

But I think you underestimate my powers, Merlin. Lance may be honorable beyond belief, but he is male.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: gwaine barber, Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(8): tonight.

What do you mean, too vanilla?

-A.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Morgana Pendragon, Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(9): tonight.

well, arthur’s vanillaness (he’s definitely vanilla) (also, well done with the whole insulting thing. you picked up on that nice and quickly) doesn’t matter so much, as the end goal of this orgy is that they ignore whatever it is that we’re doing and shag like rabbits.  also, i do get a vanilla vibe from lance, fwiw.  but i got more of a chocolate peppermint crunch vibe from gwen.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, Morgana Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(10): tonight.

Not vanilla then, Arthur? Do whips and chains excite you? Or maybe something a bit more involved? Do you have a secret teacher and student fantasy locked up in that repressed British brain of yours? Or do you just like your toys?

And what’s my flavor, Gwaine?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(11): tonight.

Yes, inquiring minds want to know. To both.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

Cc: Merlin Emrys, Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(12): tonight.

hmm.  merlin’s definitely the chubby hubby.  morgana...i’d go with the coffee caramel buzz.

also, i’d hazard arthur’s got more of a king/servant fetish...but that’s just a vibe i get.  i could well be wrong.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Morgana Pendragon, Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(13): tonight.

I loathe you all.

And am never eating ice cream again.

And will not invite any of you, should I ever host an orgy.

Best,

Arthur Pendragon.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

Cc: Merlin Emrys, gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(14): tonight.

Really Arthur, none of us? Not a single person on this email chain?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

Cc: Arthur Pendragon, gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(15): tonight.

Yeah, Gwaine, I can totally see the king/servant thing-it’s got the noblesse oblige thing going on, and the power dynamics but also there’s a sort of reciprocity...

Am I the chubby hubby or am I looking for one? Because I think it’s pretty clear I’m not chubby. And I think a chubby guy might break me on accident.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

Cc: Merlin Emrys, gwaine barber

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(16): tonight.

Well, I might invite Lance and Gwen, but as previously discussed, they might or might not be willing.  The rest of you are definitely out.

Also, king/servant sounds kinky.  (Kingky?) Have never considered it before, but it may keep me up at night in the near future.

Also, Merlin, never underestimate the power of chubby hubby.  Do you honestly think that gwaine was referring to that sort of girth?  No need to put yourself down like that.

-A.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: The Big Evening

How was your night!!?!?!!?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE: The Big Evening

It wasn’t a date.

Honestly, what do I need to do?  Do I need to go all caveman and knock him out?

Or am I just that unwantable?

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): The Big Evening

It wasn’t a date? But it was Friday night and everything! You looked great! I’m not even attracted to girls and I kinda wanted to hit you. How did Lance resist? Does he have superhuman powers?

I think the caveman thing has its perks. Maybe you should tie him to the bed and do naughty things to him until he caves and you can make love instead.

But seriously, he’s not secretly married or anything is he? Because that is literally the only thing I can think that would stop him from jumping you. Politely.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(3): The Big Evening

I don’t know.  I’m wallowing with ice cream at the moment.  I’m at a complete loss.  I can’t tell if I’m being an idiot and he’s leading me on, or if he’s being a complete idiot for some unknown reason.

He doesn’t have a dual identity, I don’t think.  He’s too honest for that.  And kind.  He wouldn’t leave us out of that secret or anything.  I don’t know, I don’t know.  Merlin, I’m literally at my wit’s end.

I should have gone to the bar with you all last night.  I didn’t have fun at the movie, in retrospect.  It was good, and what I wanted it to be, but I think he just kind of ruined the experience of it and I would rather have been laughing with you lot.  Did you have fun?

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): The Big Evening

He’s an idiot. Clearly. Everyone knows you’re equally besotted with each other. It’s not even an issue. He’s just being an idiot and probably had a good reason for it in his own Lance-shaped brain that only makes sense to other people too Lance-like for their own good.

It was fine. We discussed my dick, at length. (lols). And Arthur wouldn’t invite me to his orgy :( But Gwaine would, so that’s something, I guess.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Last Night

How was it? Sweep Gwen off her feet?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE: Last Night

It wasn’t a date.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(5): The Big Evening

I’m not entirely sure I want to know why Arthur wouldn’t invite you to his orgy.

And thanks for the words of whatever.  I have plenty more ice cream if you want to share it.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): Last Night

Why not?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(3): Last Night

Because it was two friends going to see a movie that they both liked. Nothing more, Merlin, okay? Just leave it.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): Last Night

No, I won’t leave it because I’m a good friend, and you are both into each other so why are you not making a move? This is getting ridiculous, Lance. We are at the point of staging an orgy just so you two can consummate the UST

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(5): Last Night

I’m not making a move because she’s into Gwaine, and he’s actually a good guy, so I’m letting it be. She’ll be happy with him, and that’s good enough for me. So just...please?

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): Last Night

...You are an idiot. A noble one, and all, but really, such an idiot, I don’t even have words.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): The Big Evening

But why won’t he invite me Gweeeen? I’m attractive! I would be an asset to any orgy thrown. And he said this even as he was looking at me and I’m confused. And I need that ice cream.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: (no subject)

You know I don’t agree with it.  I’m sorry.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: Merlin

Is he all right?  I sent him an email...

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE: Merlin

He’s mad, and planning a protest. We’ve been learning to dodge.

Arthur, how much danger is there actually? Because he’s not going to go willingly, and he’s too important for them to leave alone. Should he leave? Before he ends up being driven to Nimueh?

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): Merlin

Here’s the issue as I see it: my father and his colleagues already know that Merlin has magic.  They’ve apparently been tracking him for years.  Think he’s some sort of prophesied sorcerer or something.  So if he doesn’t go in for tagging, they’ll bring him in.  And likely, if he resists, they’ll arrest him and tag him anyway.

I don’t know if that will drive him to Nimueh.  I hope not, since he really doesn’t agree with her.  But this is a shite situation.  

If there was something I could do, you know I would.  But I don’t even know where to start.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(3): Merlin

That’s what I figured. But he’s not going to go. You can try to convince him, but I couldn’t, and neither could Gwen or Gwaine or Will or even his mom. He’s making a stand and--well, you’ve never really seen him, Arthur. I’m not just worried about him if he gets arrested.

Be there for him, even if he doesn’t want it, is all I can say. He won’t. Especially from you. But he’ll need support, and if it comes from you it’ll mean the most.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): Merlin

The problem is I can’t get hold of him.  He’s not replying to my emails...

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(5): Merlin

I can tell you when he’s at home. If you’re willing to be seen with him. He’s not going to be very popular for a while.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(6): Merlin

Please do.  I’m good at ducking.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: This stupid fucking law

Please convey to Uther that I am not speaking to him no matter what he tries. I’m not overlooking it this time.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: This stupid fucking law

As much as I understand and respect the sentiment, that’s not the way to handle it.  There are other things that are more upsetting in life, Morgana--like the fact that Merlin is literally going crazy and I’m not sure what he’s doing.  So instead of sending your malevolent energy towards our father, how about we turn that into something that might ultimately help our friend?

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): This stupid fucking law

Show me how to actually do something and I will do it, I swear, I will do whatever it takes. But right now, Arthur, this is Uther’s law and Uther’s life work and it is wrong and I am not going to pretend the man who wrote this law and the man who is my father are different people. If Merlin gives me a sign I will carry it, I will hide him in my apartment if that is what it takes, I will hide every last fucking sorcerer in my apartment, but right now there is nothing for me to do and if my not talking to Uther helps even the slightest I will do it and I will cut ties with a smile. I know you love him, but Arthur, this is going to throw thousands of lives into chaos. Merlin’s not the only person this is going to affect, even if he is the only one whose pants you want in. I’m not apologizing for being a bitch when it’s the fucking right thing to do.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): This stupid fucking law

Brotherly advice #1 - don’t put anything in an email that you wouldn’t want on the front page of The Times.  Now, I know you’re going to say you don’t care, but when they’re prosecuting you, there will be a small part of you that’s sad.

Brotherly advice #2 - using one’s politics to influence personal relationships is reprehensable, and frankly--that’s not a character trait you want to share with Father.

Brotherly advice #3 - you’re right, but that doesn’t mean you can be stupid about it.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): This stupid fucking law

Let them take me in. I would do brilliantly in prison. Can you imagine the headlines? Maybe that would make Uther take notice. But I’m not going to be stupid. I am going to march and I am going to smile at all the cameras and I am going to scream my last name into the wind and I am going to make sure Merlin is with me every step of the way. He’s what’s going to change this, Arthur, you know that, right? It’s all on him. Or else...things will go very bad, very quickly.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(5): This stupid fucking law

If you think I am unaware of that, you really don’t understand this situation as well as you think you do.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(6): This stupid fucking law

No, you don’t. It’s not just on him because he’s a good organizer and he cares and you care about him. He’s the one shot we have. He’s Emrys. If Uther ends up having him killed, or he disappears, or goes to Nimueh Albion won’t stand a chance. And he’s only a uni student, and I am bloody terrified he’s not ready. Terrified, Arthur. It quite literally haunts my dreams.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(6): This stupid fucking law

We have?  What do you mean by that?

Also, I refer you once again to my previous email.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(7): This stupid fucking law

I mean all of us, obviously. Everyone in Albion because if the sorcerers go to war no one is going to win.

And since when are you so accepting of prophecy?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(8): This stupid fucking law

Have you met Merlin?  He’s enough to make anyone believe in a prophecy.  

-A.

-

To: Leon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: (no subject)

just to warn you, i’m going to annoy your girlfriend flirtatiously until she stops angsting all over arthur.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Leon

Subject: RE: (no subject)

Not my girlfriend, Gwaine.

-

To: Leon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(2): (no subject)

so then, i’m allowed to seduce her now?

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Leon

Subject: RE(3): (no subject)

I’d like to see you try.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: (no subject)

how about some angry sex? might take your mind off of the whole thing with the politics and your father being a bastard.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE: (no subject)

You’re right, maybe I should give Leon a call.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

from: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(2): (no subject)

you and i both know that phone sex isn’t as fun as real sex, even if it’s angry.  besides, between your boobs and my hair, the orgasms will be incredible.  the universe will know no greater pleasure.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): (no subject)

Phone sex with you, maybe. Leon, however, is more...creative

And I am not going to give the universe any pleasure right now. It doesn’t deserve it. Not even the doubtful joy of your hair.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(4): (no subject)

Then how about to spite the universe, you and I get ice cream and paint eachother’s toe nails?  I found a lurid blue that might look good with your skin tone, and I’ve always been curious about what the draw is.  And I know how much you love nail polish.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(5): (no subject)

I will pour blue nail polish over your head, maybe then you’ll see what the draw is.

Go irritate someone else. I’m in no mood for you.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(5): (no subject)

aww, but who else will handle your bad mood? we both know that arthur can’t, and do you really want to show this side of yourself to leon? he might appreciate it better if you had blue toenail polish though...he can turn that into some kinky phone sex thing for sure.  bet he has a foot fetish.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(6): (no subject)

Leon has put up with more of my bad moods than you ever have. And he does not have a fucking foot fetish. Even if my feet are lovely and deserve one. He’s really more of a tits guy.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(7): (no subject)

he won the fucking monopoly with you, didn’t he? great tits and all sorts of angst to control? my oh my, why would i ever seek to step in?

i could still go for ice cream, though.  from what i gather from the ladies i know, it does wonder for all sorts of bad moods.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(8): (no subject)

Gwaine, we both know I would eat you alive.

But bring me ice cream. The low fat chocolate kind.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(9): (no subject)

low fat? really? i judge.

also, wouldn’t the fat kind go straight to the tits, and make leon a happy camper? happier camper?

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(10): (no subject)

Just bring me my ice cream, you pissant. You can get the fatty kind for yourself and I will laugh as you bloat.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(11): (no subject)

bloat? me? well i never!

-

To: Gwen Smith, Lance duLac

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Enough is enough

You guys know I love you, dearly, and I know you have kept me alive and sane for the past few years, but for all that is holy TALK TO EACH OTHER. I have other shit to deal with right now, and your mutual angsting is getting repetitive even if it is quite pretty on both sides. So talk. Discuss. Or I will set Morgana on you, don’t think I won’t. And she’s in almost as bad a mood as I am.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE: Enough is enough

Is there something you’d like to say to me?  Because if there is, spit it out.  I’m tired of all this.

Gwen

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE (2): Enough is enough

I just want you to be happy, Gwen. That’s more important to me than anything. If I’ve been making you uncomfortable, or if you feel I’ve been taking time you’d rather be spending with Gwaine, I’m sorry, I’ll give you space.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(3): Enough is enough

Really?  That’s what you think?  I thought I made it clear that I wouldn’t ever go for Gwaine.

You’re an idiot, and you really upset me, and you’d better make it up to me.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(4): Enough is enough

I’m sorry for anything I did that upset you, or if I misread the situation. I could bring you ice cream?

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(5): Enough is enough

Skip the ice cream and get over here you great fool.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Couples, ugh

save me from them. And I thought the UST was bad...

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: Couples, ugh

You could always grab a fine fellow and give them some competition.

You all right? Haven’t heard from you.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): Couples, ugh

But where would I find one? Surprisingly as it may be, there are not eligible young gentleman knocking down my door all the time.

I’m...better. Things are exploding less, anyway. And it’s hard to be as caught up in the anger when Gwen and Lance are making kissy faces at each other, you know? I swear they give off kitten-and-rainbow rays or something.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3) Couples, ugh

The kitten-and-rainbow rays might solve your problem, actually.  In my experience, they can be quite good at attracting men of a certain character.  

And don’t think I didn’t notice you avoiding my question.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): Couples, ugh

I don’t think I want a man attracted to kitten-and-rainbow rays, especially because I don’t give them off. I give us more of a crazy-and-clumsy sort of rays.

Me, avoid questions? Now when would I ever do that, Arthur? I am the most open of open books, you know that.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(5) Couples, ugh

Oh, so clever you are, aren’t you?  

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): Couples, ugh

I am very, very clever, Arthur.  I am clever enough to evade all your father’s horses and all of his men.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(7) Couples, ugh

You saying that makes me nervous, you know.  Because no one, not even you, is as clever as they think they are.

If you need more evidence, look at Morgana.

Please be careful, and know that you can call me if you need help at all.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(8): Couples, ugh

It was a joke, Arthur. Mainly. I’m not going to run. What would that prove?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(9) Couples, ugh

Can you please talk to Morgana about how to be a moderate and considering person?  You seem not to be flying off the handle and this seems to actually affect you.  It just gets her all self righteous.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(10): Couples, ugh

I’m flying off the handle plenty, I just learned pretty early that turning people into mice doesn’t actually solve anything. Except when it’s Will, because then it’s just hysterical.

I’m not running, but I’m not sitting around either, you know that, right? I’m not going to get tagged, I don’t care what you or Lance or Gwen or anyone says.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(11) Couples, ugh

I suppose my normal entreaties that this isn’t worth having a criminal record for really doesn’t hold water in this case.  I wish it did, but...

I mean, the law’s a problem on so many levels--legal, moral, ethical, political. I can’t honestly believe that it exists.  But there have to be channels that don’t involve you getting chucked in prison and tagged like a dog that we can look into.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(12): Couples, ugh

I am all for not getting chucked in prison, I would not do well in prison, I am not made for it at all. And I am even less for getting tagged. But I really don’t see any other options, do you? Other than protesting, which, yeah, but it kind of brings me out into the open and I’m not sure being that visible will help anything.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(13): Couples, ugh

Well, I can’t at the moment imagine a situation in which you don’t get chucked in prison without you getting tagged of your own accord.  (Note: by accord, I don’t mean peaceful consent. Perhaps a little public frustration?  I don’t know.)  But somehow, the whole problem is that they will, invariably, get you.  I underdatnd that you’re powerful, but powerful enough to take down the entire Albion law force when they know who you are and are on your tail?  I don’t think you could do that, nor do I think you would.  Your problem isn’t with the police force--it’s with the higher ups.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(14): Couples, ugh

I’m not getting tagged.  I’ll leave if I have to. Maybe that’s the solution, leaving Albion until someone gets their heads out of their ass and fixes this. I’ll write a lot of strongly worded letters. Maybe finish university  online or something. I could smuggle myself out of the country no problem. This is actually sounding more and more like a plan. Think my mom would agree?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(15): Couples, ugh

The problem is, I don’t think it solves anything at all.  Do you see anything here getting better without you being an instigator?  Remember that apart from people like you, the only thing that most people have to go off of when thinking of magicians is Nimueh, and that’s not likely to make them want to make the laws a little more equitable now, is it?  If you leave, you might ultimately be making Albion worse for your kind--instead of making it better.  I know that my father and his lot are not exactly working in your favor at the moment, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t be receptive to a strong political movement that isn’t Nimueh.  I’m merely suggesting that perhaps calming down and thinking about this a little more logically might be a good idea?

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(16): Couples, ugh

Yeah, yeah, be all right and shit. I know. I’m not really going to run away. But Arthur...I am legitimately scared. I’m powerful, but I’m not the government of Albion. If they want to find me, I can only hide for so long, and I am so fucking sick of hiding anyway. I’m supposed to matter, but nothing I do is changing anything, and I try and I try and maybe I’m not the prophecied person after all, or all that shit. Maybe I’m just a normal student and I can’t do a fucking thing!

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(17): Couples, ugh

Well, the way I see it is this: you can’t know if you’re prophecied until you’re dead, so stop worrying about it.  Additionally, knowing how the universe works, the harder you try to be the “chosen one” or whatever rubbish you think means that you probably aren’t doing what you’re supposed to, ie being yourself.  So, in other words, stop worrying about your destiny and worry instead about today, and today’s problems.  Which are, admittedly, not exactly trivial.  But they are, nonetheless real and bodied--unlike the ridiculous thoughts you are having about your lot’s ridiculous prophecies.

Also, you forget you don’t have to have an immediate solution to every problem ever.  You can pause and wait to act before acting.  Indeed, some might argue that this is a good idea, as it allows you to see the ful scope of the playing field, the full consequences of your actions.    It’s something that leaders (perhaps even prophecied leaders?) are supposed to be good at.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(18): Couples, ugh

Don’t worry, I know I’m not a good leader. I’m not trying to be. I don’t want to be. I’ll act and I’ll be a symbol or whatever, but the leading...that’s not me.  I’m just trying to survive.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: Merlin

How is he? I know I’ve been being self-centered in my anger at father, so I haven’t thought to ask as often as I should. Has he been speaking to you again?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: Merlin

He’s...well, he’s the way he is, at the moment.  He’s angry--like you--but he’s a bit unsure how best to proceed and I’m trying to prevent his doing anything drastic.  It’s a gargantuan task, and one which he is, at least, aware comes out of the goodness of my heart and all that rubbish.

-A.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: (no subject)

physics is killing me softly with his song, and i need a pint.  figured you’re probably in constant need.

we ride?

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: (no subject)

no can do. Not going out to do anything but most important things, and not into anywhere that isn’t densely populated. I’m not giving Uther a chance to do anything.

But if you want to bring something over here, please god yes.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): Merlin

The goodness of your heart? Is that all? Really? I should think during a crisis like this you might at least gain some emotional awareness.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(2): (no subject)

what if i make arthur come instead, and then, because you’re not there, he gets drunk and handsy with me?  you wouldn’t leave me to that, would you?

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): Merlin

And what, pray, do you mean by that?

Spit it out.

-A.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(3): (no subject)

In your dreams, Gwaine. There’s no way Arthur’s a handsy drunk.

Is he?

No, still not going out. Seriously.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): Merlin

I’m not the one who has to spit something out. Or swallow, if that’s your preference. Come now, Arthur. Merlin needs support, not uncertainty, right now.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(5): Merlin

I am giving him all the support I can, Morgana.  He won’t accept more, at the moment.

-A.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(4): (no subject)

that would be telling.

and if there’s one thing i’ve learned from the literature discussions i’ve had to sit through with gwen, it’s that it is always better to show, not to tell.

come on...a pint is calling your sweet name.  as might a certain sometimes rather thick humanities major that we both might know, if you play your cards right.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(6): Merlin

He won’t accept more? Is that why you aren’t doing something about the fact that you have been pining over him for months? Or is it that doing something would be committing to a path you know father won’t like--would be doing something, period. Merlin’s head over heels for you, Arthur, everyone knows it. If you haven’t acted--that’s on you.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(5): (no subject)

I’m not listening....not listening...not listening...

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(6): (no subject)

yes you are.  arthur’s drunken fondling is calling to you.

sexually.

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(7): Merlin

You know, you really are quite annoying sometimes.

-A.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(7): (no subject)

Arthur’s been pretty clear on the fact that he doesn’t want to call to me sexually, thanks very much. Use some other bait, if you must, but I’ve pretty much accepted that one’s a dead end.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(8): Merlin

You’re welcome.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: gwaine barber

Subject: tonight.

merlin wants you.

sexually.

come drink with us.  i’ve promised him you’re handsy

you’re welcome.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: tonight.

GWAINE.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: gwaine barber

Subject: RE(8): (no subject)

he’s coming.

and whatever you may think he does want you sexually, so i’d recommend you coming too.  indeed, i’d say you should both come.  together.  and often. you both need it, god knows.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(9): (no subject)

Seriously, I can’t. I’m already risking stuff being at home, because I’m banking on Uther not wanting to be seen breaking into a private home. And dragging a kid away from school looks bad too, all anti-education and family values and stuff Uther wants to be a figurehead for. But a pub is a different story.

And you lie, I know you lie, so I am not trusting your assertions that he’s going to be anywhere. Or wants me anyhow.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: gwaine

He is being very forceful about getting drinks tonight.  Are you planning on going?

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: gwaine

he wasn’t lying about you going? Oh. I figured he was, because he does shit like that, he is a lying liar who lies, so never trust him.

And I...wasn’t going to. I don’t want to risk it, pretty easy to be dragged out of a pub and all, but... what do you think? Do you think it’s worth the risk?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): gwaine

He is indeed a lying liar who should not be trusted.

But on this front, he was telling the truth.

Honestly, they won’t do anything to you if you’re with me.  I can even pick you up if you like.  And if anyone deserves a pint, it’s you.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(3): gwaine

Okay then, I’m in. I do need a pint. Or three. Or a thousand. Think if I act like a drunk I won’t be threatening anymore?

I’ll see you here, 9ish?

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: I’m afraid my coverup doesn’t come in your shade

And boy--do you need it.

You didn’t get attacked last night, did you?

Or was it the good kind of attack? ;-)

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE: I’m afraid my coverup doesn’t come in your shade

I somehow always find boys who may secretly be vampires, don’t I? It’s not my fault I bruise easily. Or that he’s possessive. Which is, may I say, really freaking hot.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(2): I’m afraid my coverup doesn’t come in your shade

This doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.  Though am curious for details.  How on earth did you two finally get over your shit and do it?  (And don’t you dare make any snarky comments about me and the boy.)

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(3):I’m afraid my coverup doesn’t come in your shade

Me? snarky comments? Why Gwen, I would never!

And I don’t know, really. I didn’t even think--well, I wouldn’t have thought, you know, he didn’t even want to invite me to his orgy and he’s Arthur fucking Pendragon, but we were at the pub with Gwaine and Morgana and then they left to go get drinks and then he was saying something about being scared and support and brilliance and then he kissed me.

He is a damn fine kisser, let me tell you.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(3): I’m afraid my coverup doesn’t come in your shade

I can tell from your neck.

Well, I’m happy for you.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): I’m afraid my coverup doesn’t come in your shade

I’m happy for me too. It’s about time something good came out of all of this.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: RE(5): I’m afraid my coverup doesn’t come in your shade

Darling, don’t let’s pretend this wasn’t inevitable.  Because it definitely was.

I’d also add that there are many good things that can and will come of it.  Though what they are, and when they might come is anyone’s guess.

Enjoy Arthur and don’t overthink it.

-

To: Gwen Smith  
From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(6): I’m afraid my coverup doesn’t come in your shade

I don’t think enjoying him will be a problem.

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: (no subject)

Gwen, pick up your phone. answer me. Are you alright? You didn’t get hit too hard? Where’s Merlin? I just saw the news. Pick up your phone!

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Lance duLac

Subject: (no subject)

Is Gwen with you? Is she okay? Where is Merlin? What is happening to him?

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: (no subject)

Please Gwen, please pick up, please. Don’t--just pick up your phone, please, call me.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: (no subject)

I’m working on it.

-A.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): (no subject)

Gwen’s phone got smashed.  She’s in the hospital so they can set her nose.  She told me to let you know not to worry when last I saw her.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(3): (no subject)

What do you need me to do?

I’m on my way to the hospital. But after I check on Gwen, I will do whatever needs doing.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): (no subject)

At the moment, I need you to go where they have Merlin and keep him from doing something drastic.  I’m working on it.  But I can’t be there right now--not when I can be more useful here.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon, Lance duLac

From: gwaine barber

Subject: (no subject)

is anyone else not surprised that merlin would get himself arrested in the middle of the afternoon?  because i am heartily unsurprised.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE: (no subject)

Can you get to Merlin? I have to be at the hospital with Gwen--I would go, but she--if you can--

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(2): (no subject)

This is Gwen.

Lance is going.  I’m fine.  He’s being an overprotective fool.

-

To: gwaine barber

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE(3): (no subject)

This is Lance again. Arthur, where is he?

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(4): (no subject)

He’s at central, I believe.  If he’s not, tell me right away.

-

To: Uther Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: Crossing a line.

Dear Father,

Today, in the streets of town, two friends of mine were attacked by special officers.  One of them was sent to the hospital with a broken nose and wrist, and a sprained ankle due to the force with which she was accosted for simply being present.  The other was arrested forcibly in the middle of a crowded shopping center, after having been tased into submission.

I would like you to know that I am working with several friends and a lawyer who is working pro-bono on filing charges against the officers in question, as well as looking into the legal basis for the law used to arrest my friend.

I would add that these actions, carried out on your orders, have resulted not merely in harming a dear friend of mine, but may well have caused him to retreat further down a path that would lead him to the sort of violence and terrorism you are trying to prevent--a path he would never have considered had he been left well alone.

There is no need to respond to this email.

Arthur

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: (no subject)

Do you still have that bottle of whiskey Leon brought you?

-A.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: More Ice Cream

Please bring more ice cream home.  If I can’t drink away my pain, I will at the very least drown it in ice cream.

Any news of Merlin?

-

To: Gwen Smith, Hunith Emrys, Will Turner, Gaius, Arthur Pendragon, Morgana Pendragon, gwaine barber

From: Lance duLac

Subject: Merlin update

Merlin is currently being held in central. He’s unharmed, as far as I can tell--I’ve only seen him once--but they’re keeping him in dampeners, and he’s not taking well to the loss of his magic, even temporarily. That lawyer Arthur sent is working on getting them to take the dampeners off; probably on the agreement that he will be tagged.

I’ll keep you updated on any changes.

-Lance

-

To: Gwen Smith

From: Lance duLac

Subject: RE: More Ice Cream

You’re okay, right? If you aren’t, I’ll pick some up, but if you’re fine, I don’t know if I should leave. The lawyer’s great, but Merlin might need talking--well, talking off a ledge. Maybe literally. I don’t think he should be alone. But if you need me, I can call in someone else.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE: (no subject)

I’ll bring it.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Gwen Smith

Cc: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): More Ice Cream

Stay with Merlin.  I’ll be fine.  I bet I can convince Gwaine to feel useful an bring it to me.  Unless you think he’ll be useful on your end.

Arthur, you should go talk to him.  He’ll want you there.  He won’t say it, but he will.  It’ll be a comfort.  

-

To: Morgana Pendragon

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(2): (no subject)

On second thought, I need to get down to the prison.  They probably won’t let me see him, but I need to be there.

Can I call you if they kick me out and we can resume this plan?

-A.

-

To: gwaine barber

From: Gwen Smith

Subject: Be useful

Can you bring me ice cream?  Unless you are too intoxicated, or are with Merlin, I am in rather severe need.

Preferably Green Tea, but I’m not fussy at this point.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Morgana Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): (no subject)  
Call whenever you need me. Or if you need me to raise a fuss. I am very good at making scenes. How does one outside the prison sound? Or perhaps a very vocal complaint about Gwen? I can start that ball rolling.

-

To: Gwen Smith, Lance duLac, gwaine barber, Arthur Pendragon, Morgana Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Free at last

At long last, I have seen sunlight again, after a grueling nine hours of bread and water and prison music and fear of showers which are actually really gross, they should be cleaned sometime. Yet, despite it all, I have emerged into the world once more!

Seriously, though, thank you all for having my back in there. It means more to me than you’ll ever know.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Lance duLac

Subject: What Merlin isn’t saying

He’s putting a good face on things, because he jokes about serious things, but it’s not that good. He’s been tagged. It was the only way to get the dampeners off. I didn’t say too much in the last email, because I didn’t want to worry Gwen or Hunith, but those things were driving him mad. They might be less painful for weaker sorcerers, but he was literally shaking every time I saw him. He was ready to keep them on despite that--and I really think he would have ended up actually insane, with them on too much longer--rather than get tagged. I managed to talk him out of that, but he’s...let’s just say prison changed him. I’m trying to not get him to give up, but he’s taking this as a sign that he lost. Maybe you can say something that’ll change that, because if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that he hasn’t. The news coverage at the very least showed that.  We just need to make sure he remembers that, because he’s still shaky from the dampeners, and losing his conviction won’t be good on top of that.

I probably shouldn’t be telling you any of this, but I thought you needed to know.

And thank you for helping him. If you hadn’t, they would have found something to charge him with, and then he might never have been let go. So thank you. I know it wasn’t easy to work against your father like that.

-

To: Lance duLac

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: What Merlin isn’t saying

Thank you.  I think I can take it from here.

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: Thanks

For the whole getting me out of prison thing. And not pressuring me into doing shit right now. And everything. And just being there. And all that stuff. Words are not my friends right now. But you know what I mean.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE: Thanks

Anytime.  (There goes my plan to pressure you to go on a date with me...)

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(2): Thanks

Oh.

Well, that really only qualifies if it’s pressure. And if you haven’t noticed by now, I really, really, REALLY do not need pressure to do that.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(3): Thanks

In that case, dinner on Tuesday?

(Read this when you want. It does not have to be now: I have a plan to help with the whole moving on in life post-tagging, and how to combat it politically.  Find me when you want to hear it.)

-A.

-

To: Arthur Pendragon

From: Merlin Emrys

Subject: RE(4): Thanks

Dinner sounds great. :D

But I don’t know about the plan. I think the whole getting tagged thing means I lost, right? Not only did I not manage to stop the law from getting passed, but I also failed to protest it. I think your dad won.

-

To: Merlin Emrys

From: Arthur Pendragon

Subject: RE(5): Thanks

So, you say that...

-

Pendragon, Emrys to Combat Magical Registration

In a surprise move on Thursday, Arthur Pendragon, son of Uther Pendragon, publically set to work with a legal team to challenge the law passed in March which requires that all Magic Users be registered with Law Enforcement agencies.  

“It’s a law that vilifies innocent people for a fact that is beyond their control, ignoring what they themselves are like as humans,” A. Pendragon told a group of reporters on Thursday evening.  “Only last week, a friend of mine was harassed on the street, resulting in acts of violence that negatively affected local shops, and which resulted in the hospitalization of a bystander.  The magic user in question,” here meaning Merlin Emrys, who stood to Pendragon’s left as he addressed the pool, “was arrested for nothing more than having the capacity to use magic.  He is not someone who would ever use his magic in ways that would be detrimental or illegal.  In short, his human rights were violated by our government, and we seek to undo this piece of legislation.”

Emrys, who has gained fame in the this year as a leader in protests against anti-magical legislation, is rumored to be the subject of a number of prophecies. “That’s not why I’m doing any of this,” he replied when asked about the foreseeing. “I just know that I have power and I have a responsibility to make sure other people get the chance to use it wisely, instead of resorting to other means. I was lucky that Arthur--” he gives the man a smile, “--had the wherewithal and power to get me out of jail. Others won’t be so lucky. And I won’t stand for that.”

Though neither man mentioned Uther Pendragon by name, it is impossible to forget that this is, in essence, a family conflict. The elder Pendragon has not been reached for comment, but we are expecting a statement about his son’s activism in the coming weeks.

Together, A. Pendragon and Emrys represent a new age of politics, and a strong force, with both secular influence and magical power. Their seamlessness as a team has been remarked upon by many who encounter them. Rumors abound about a romantic relationship between the two men, but sources close to them refuse to confirm or deny these insinuations.

\--------------

**\---**


End file.
